from the ground up

hints.

i feel like i've been given hints since i've been in NYC. i found a yoga studio right away that i loved and i met a man that i connected with in a way that i've never connected with someone before.

transition.

those things were gone about as quickly as they came. i've experienced this before. moving to a new place and meeting new people right away - becoming quickly attached - and then having them disappear shortly after.

it's hard. letting go. there is so much going on for me right now that it's hard to keep it straight. being in NYC brings up a lot of reminders of "home". yet i came here with absolutely nothing to ground me. so many different experiences with different people and activities. so much has changed so drastically since the first few weeks that i was here in NYC. what in the world am i doing?

i moved into an apartment that can be built. i came here as a blank sheet of paper. there's so much room for creativity.

this post is so ridiculously random. sporadic. there's so much on my mind. H. must leave him where he was as he was - the perfect person for me to have met to get me acquainted with where i am now.

the positivity and the understanding of possibility that i initially moved here with is gone. sometimes i see glimpses. maybe soon i'll be sunbathing.

the excitement of getting dressed up and going out is all gone. i don't know every place in this city but i feel comfortable enough now that .. it's just going out.

staying up until 6am is completely forgotten. i have replaced it with waking up at that time to go swimming and spend time reading.

pursuing a job in film and spending time on my creative interests has been put to the side for the time being. there's not enough energy to give or reward to receive at the current point in time.

so much.

(i don't even know)