i'm pretty sure this is the epitome of healthy

today has been a really great day. i feel as much myself as i possibly can. it's been rainy all weekend and i've taken a time out and spent some time inside. i feel a bit more in control of myself and a bit more reflective and thoughtful again. which is good.

i've been thinking about how nice it is to be human, really. haha. seems weird, i know. there's so much that i seem to forget sometimes, though. like, where do i think i'm going? do i need to make $400,000 a year? because i'm just going to die. i don't want to say that like there's no reason to TRY. but rather just saying that in the grand scheme of things, it seems priorities can be changed around a little bit, though.

i love what i do. i love that i make enough money to live without worry that i might not be able to pay a bill. i often find myself calling my job "work" but .. it's not. it's just what i like to do! it's a hobby, perhaps. i need a better way of explaining it. like "no, i'm sorry i can't go shopping with you tomorrow because i'll be spending my day doing what i love". i COULD say that except people might start to look at me weird. but maybe i will anyway.

the more i've been spending time on the trucks and becoming more familiar with the way everything works the more and more i like it. after a 14 hour day i'm not often actually tired but rather exhilarated by all of the physical work. being outside, using my hands, being creative. making coffee is amazing! scooping ice cream is amazing! refilling generators and water tanks and restocking milk and ice cream and moving around boxes and walking between trucks and biking to and from work and... all of it. amazing. amazing. amazing. it makes me *so* happy.

i figure i have at least 10 more years i can spend doing this type of work before i might wear myself out. who knows what i'll be doing a year from now but i just mean i feel confident i'll be happier as long as i'm actually physically involved with my work.

i used to be pretty upset that i was paid hourly, that i worked a scheduled shift, and that i was always on my feet and getting my clothes dirty. it occurred to me one day that it's kind of an advantage to be scheduled and to have different hours. that it's okay that i'm paid hourly and not salary. who's rules were these anyway? that in order to feel more "grown up" and more "successful" i needed to be bored at work? i don't want to be paid salary so i can work 12 hour days only to find i feel taken for granted.

and this all comes around to this appreciation for being human because... i'm using all aspects of my God-given gifts here :P i have to think and use my brain, i have to see and use my eyes, taste, smell, and touch things. i'm up on my feet and moving all day. talking to people and smiling. it's social, it's personal, it's productive, creative, promotes growth, opens the doorway for open-mindedness, understanding, learning, teaching, sharing...

so, in accepting mortality, reality, and that Earth is a truth; believing life is a gift; and remembering that we're only here for a short time - i have come to be happy here. and i can stay content here. with my feet on the ground.. this is where it all begins.