i am feeling like it's all over. it has ended. this 6 months of heartbreak has finally blown over. it was exacerbated for a second by a few emails, but much like the death of a star, those emails were like the situation's one last outburst before completely fizzling out. i feel so balanced now. on rock solid ground. back to where i was just before i met N. i feel completely free to begin anything. there were a few feelings of "i really don't want to go through the whole process of meeting someone, dating, getting to know them...." but those have passed and i don't mind now.
there's a lot of stuff going on. i love work. it's so easy! with the two different jobs i work, it keeps enough variation in my week so when i work 13 days in a row i don't feel worn out. the people that i have met here in NYC have been amazing. perhaps it's because i started doing yoga whenever i have a spare minute or maybe it's just because i have gotten past the few road blocks that were still holding me up.
i have promised myself a year to get settled here. i'm already feeling like maybe in a few weeks i'll be ready to start getting a bit more serious about what i'm doing. i like that work is so low stress. but i think soon i will be ready to take on more work along the lines of what i want to do. soon. but maybe still not yet. i still have these ideas. it's just a matter of finding the energy, the equipment, and the collaboration needed to make it all come together. when i'm ready to buy a new computer, buy a camera, write proposals and ideas, etc. that's when things will start happening.
for right now, i feel like i've found solid ground to stand on, but i still need to build my house :)
as far as relationships go? i dono. i'm in no mood to have a "friends with benefits" situation. it's just not a priority to me. i am so busy that the time i have to myself i DO enjoy by myself.
for example:
Wednesday i had a day off and went to the museum to look at the Earth and Space exhibits. i was there for hours. the security guard noticed me and offered me a chance to see the movie they were showing. i took him up on it and he brought me up the "staff only" elevator and let me into the theater for free before everyone else. it was amazing! and then i walked the 12 miles home. i found a cute boutique where i picked up a few fall accessories (hat, mittens, etc). i then continued to walk East and South. at this point it had been about 8 hours since i last ate anything so i stopped in a Mexican restaurant on the east side of Manhattan and chatted up some guy named Oliver about illustrations and paintings while i had a frozen margarita and a burrito. (nevermind that morning i was biking on 23rd street in Manhattan after a 7am yoga class and had fallen into/almost got run over by a bus. i've got some MAJOR bruises.)
but the point being i really enjoyed my day! who needs a boyfriend when you have cool stuff like that to do?
and last night i went to the Brooklyn Museum with a new friend. and i have a slight crush on someone who works at a place that i frequently stop in at for an espresso (a 6oz americano, really). and that's good. or bad?
anyway. i wrote this post on the 4th and haven't published it until now. sorry if it seems unfinished. but felt like putting it up without finishing it. so deal.
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